What a difference time makes

Well, gentle reader, a new adventure is beginning. Two weeks to the day my hubby has a new job!! Two weeks of being together has added so much sunshine to my life. And he received vacation pay he was owed so we are only going to be tight for a little while.

Unhealthy Results

Well, the worst happened gentle reader. I am trying so hard to keep a stiff upper lip. I will have to keep living in a house with no floors because now of course there is no money to put down new floors. I don't know when we will be able to paint it either. I feel so bad for my hubby and so mad at those that cost him his job. I will insulate myself in a cocoon of numbness.

Unhealthy Anticipation

Today, gentle reader, is the day that we find out if my hubby still has a job. My chest is hurting as I try to stave off a panic attack. It is like a sick version of the butterflies you get in anticipation of Christmas Morning. What I dread more than anything is having the whole weight of providing for my family on my shoulders. But it is what it is. And, it meantime I will try to cast my cares on the One who cares for me. More news later.....

It's a new life

Sunshine's in the sky and I am feeling good. A week late, but never too late, my hubby and I had a weekend off together. We even worked together on the house. It feels good to do together stuff. I am learning though to leave off with my to do list because it never ends, and it never allows for now. What does it mean to be truly "in the moment"? This is my new discovery towards the goal of peace. In this moment I want to be excellent at what is good and innocent of evil. What say you gentle reader?

Tired Morning

Well gentle reader, as with all things dreaded, this weekend was not as bad as I anticipated. I did miss going to church with my husband. It is the mainstay of our together time. It is what we both do in common that we both enjoy. I think as I explore the realm of my life, I will need to learn what I can and can't control and stop fretting about what is not in my direct sphere of influence. That I think would be a step in the process of learning peace.

The Crash

So here is the deal. My hubby was supposed to get the weekend off. As a birthday present we were supposed to have two days off together. But once again his work interferes. He gets Friday and Saturday off but has to work Sunday during the day so we can't go to church. I can't hide how sad this makes me feel. It has been months, and months since we had two days off together. I can't show how I feel, because it will make him feel bad. Everytime, everytime that I think that somehow balance will come into my life, it falls away. I hate this rollercoaster ride. I hate the highs and the lows; especially the lows. Why can't I be like other people and just be disappointed? No, it has to cut me to the quick of my soul. I feel selfish. I feel sad. I feel too much. I wish I was one of those people who could hide what they feel. But I can't and I don't. The sad part is that I don't know if I will be able to enjoy what little time I will have with him. It is such a mixture of really being sad and really being mad about not getting my way. If the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, then why bother making a plan at all? I wish I could roll with the punches, you know? Not let life get the best of me. Still I will try. I will stay on the ride even if it makes me sick to my stomach.

Happy Birthday to Me

Well, another year has come and gone gentle reader. It has been an interesting roller coaster ride. So I have been thinking of what I should give myself for my birthday. These are the things I have come up with so far.

1. I am going to actively seek moments of peace.
By taking my breaks and lunch at work.
By setting aside time for play at home.

2. I am going to create an atmosphere of fun and peace through my home environment.
By getting the house painted.
By laying the new flooring.
By creating a space for my hobbies, afterall my husband has his man-cave.

I think this is a good start. It will take some time, possibly until next year at this time.