The Crash

So here is the deal. My hubby was supposed to get the weekend off. As a birthday present we were supposed to have two days off together. But once again his work interferes. He gets Friday and Saturday off but has to work Sunday during the day so we can't go to church. I can't hide how sad this makes me feel. It has been months, and months since we had two days off together. I can't show how I feel, because it will make him feel bad. Everytime, everytime that I think that somehow balance will come into my life, it falls away. I hate this rollercoaster ride. I hate the highs and the lows; especially the lows. Why can't I be like other people and just be disappointed? No, it has to cut me to the quick of my soul. I feel selfish. I feel sad. I feel too much. I wish I was one of those people who could hide what they feel. But I can't and I don't. The sad part is that I don't know if I will be able to enjoy what little time I will have with him. It is such a mixture of really being sad and really being mad about not getting my way. If the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, then why bother making a plan at all? I wish I could roll with the punches, you know? Not let life get the best of me. Still I will try. I will stay on the ride even if it makes me sick to my stomach.